you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize