god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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