Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
