So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
