It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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