Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
