Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
