you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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