Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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