brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
