So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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