one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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