Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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