Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
