Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
