I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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