Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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