when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
