week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
