I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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