I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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