i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
