she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
