bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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