Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
