My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
