Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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