I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
