You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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