they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
