genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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