Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
