cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
