At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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