Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
