Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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