My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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