all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
