Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
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