Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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