Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My penis needs a shock collar
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
