Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You need a sexual gate keeper
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
