eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
