I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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