Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
