you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
