So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
