A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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