I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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