my mouth tastes like poor choices
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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