Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think your dad took our porno
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
