she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
