Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
