Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
