took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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