THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
