I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
