no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
