I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
