This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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