and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
