Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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