Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
