he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
