so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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