I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
