a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize