Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
