somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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