My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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