I cockslap morals
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
