Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
if only i could text you this smell
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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