I just cut my nipple shaving
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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